Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Eclipsing Redux

It is most definitely July. My garden confirms it as well as the weeds.

How we arrived here, in July, I have no idea.
I remember clearly sitting in Mr. Nofzinger's class as a fifth grader, and the days were slow.
Then they weren't. And now it's July.

Despite the speed in which life is flying (although in other ways it's not moving at all) I have found in many ways I keep spinning in the same circle. Hitting the same feelings and thoughts and struggles. I set to browsing through old postings when I came across one that I thought felt right to revisit.

Last winter (2013-2014) for some reason was exceptionally long for me. Entering into February tends to bring some type of hope or relief but instead I felt bogged down (probably by feet of snow!).
Instead of me looking forward to spring (and the relief that comes with) I was living in the depths of winter.

Then, I went to church and as usual, (when I listen for a minute) God spoke to me.
(The below in italics is what I posted previously, originally found here.)

"... Life brings winter in summer and spring. When new life is growing, and taking shape, winter of life will rob us of the green blessings. That is what I allowed to happen to me. I have been wondering around (not literally because last week I realized I didn't leave my house once I got there Sunday night, and didn't leave really until Saturday) desperate and uncertain. Holding onto,
"What do I do?" and "What should I be?" instead of living in  the "Here I am now."

This morning I went to church full of anxiety. It could be about anything. Anxiety makes a big deal out of something that is really a "no" deal.

In the music service, there was a song that was sung. It is a song I have sung hundreds of times over several years. I know the words. I have sung the words (sorry to those in front of me) loudly. I believed them. But today one phrase jumped out to me. "Afflictions eclipsed by glory." The meaning of those four words announced itself and while the song was going on and on I was caught up and I stopped still.

Afflictions eclipsed by glory. See, in my winter, glory was eclipsed by affliction. I allowed all of the every day, the weariness, the tiredness, the anxiousness over shadow everything that God has for me. God has peace for me. Peace, that quiet calm feeling, inside when nothing is actually quiet. I know God has been trying to speak to me. Trying to get me to stop listening to the winter and focus on Him. (In fact I won a magnet this past week that had the word peace on it and with a definition.) God had been talking to me all week. He was saying be still. But above my noise and my shouting I couldn't hear Him.  God has a purpose for me. God has a plan for me. My world I know is very small. Regardless of that God has the desire to use me for a purpose and to take care of me along the way."

What is an eclipse? It is "an obscuring of the light from one celestial body by the passage of another between it and the observer." In the moment of hearing that song I realized that my daily dreary drudgery was obscuring the shine that God had for me. And, because I love history so much I've let the eclipsing repeat itself.

But, God. Two of my favorite words to say together (when used correctly). But, God doesn't give up on me. He likes to remind me of things over and over and over again (and one day I might get it right). This weekend I've been ride the wave called crazy and have gone from moments of total peace, to moments of complete ...psycho.

So what's a gal to do? Continue on this same ride? Or, perhaps allow glory to eclipse these afflictions and toss off winter once and for all?
I'm thinkin' so.
It is after all July.

Be True,

1 comment:

Robert Davis said...

Good stuff, as usual.