"Stephanie, don't borrow trouble." I can see her, with her finger pointing near my nose, and her mouth pursed. My Mama still says this to me, and even on the phone I can see the look she gives me. "Just don't do it. In the end, you cannot change anything by worrying, and you will have wasted your time; everything will be fine." I have to admit, that she has always been right, everything always has been fine, better than fine. Despite my proficiency in worrying, she is correct, it doesn't change anything, and it certainly wastes time.
However, I have to also admit, that I have not always listened to my mother. Today is certainly no different. I am fighting the worry, and trying to occupy myself with other things, like praying, and, oh I don't know... eating ice cream, and watching geeky movies. (Even Matlock isn't helping tonight.) Once again, I'm faced with a decision, a choice to worry, or a choice to trust, trust God that all will be alright.
More than the actual outcome, I'm actually more concerned about my attitude, which although I try to tamp it down, it does tend to run around flaring it's red hair. I like things my way. I like giving my hand a little quick wave, and directing other people to do whatever I tell them. (Probably why I enjoy being called "boss" so much (ha!)) I know everyone says they want things the way that want them, but I really really mean it, and over time I've only gotten worse. I tend to have an attitude if it does not, and even if it doesn't show, I can feel it, and it's not so great.
Right now, the real question isn't even what am I talking about. It doesn't matter. The truth is every day I wake up. And, when I do, I have to determine if I am going to do what I can to change what I can, and whether or not I am going to accept those things that I cannot. (Side note, I just read that sentence four times, and I have no idea if it even makes sense.)
Is there a prayer request somewhere in all this mess? Yes. Please pray that I can tuck away my bad attitude, and replace it with grace and understanding and compassion, and all other things that are needed while living. Please pray that I will take advantage of today. Please pray that I will overcome my attitude, that I will love all people, and that when I wake up, I will shine.
1 Thessalonians 5:5