Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Reading, Writing and 'Rithmetic

Back to school!

I am back to school after a month off. I will say that the first year as a new old student has had it's challenges. It definitely has been a new experience!
It's completely different this time around for many reasons.
  • For one, I'm not living in a dorm.
  • Secondly, I'm doing "learning" thing online. My school is in another state. My teacher is myself, and my books are mainly online.
  • I work full time.
  • I don't live in a dorm. I don't have 40 other crazy girls living in the same hallway with me.
The thing is, despite the differences, despite how much work it is, despite the stress, despite all of the differences I love doing what I'm doing now. I love being a student again and learning. AND I am excited about the direction that I am going.

Things I will keep in mind this year back to school:
  • Staying up late + Getting up early= Cranky Stephanie. I need to go to bed earlier (and sleep longer, hahaha!)
  • Worry incessantly about whether or not you passed a test is not a good way for a person to spend the weekend. Plus, I'm pretty sure worrying can cause ulcers. It can also cause violence. I have been threatened that the next time I say I failed a test I will be beaten. This next time around I will do not say anything about failing. I cannot guarantee that I won't think it, but if I don't say it, that's at least a start, right?
  • The Nez Perce tribe is from the Pacific Northwest. I don't know why I need to remember that, but I apparently, months later, still do.

Other news:
  • I have signed up to help my new church in the children's department. It's a scary thought, and I'm nervous, but at the same time I am really excited again at the thought of working with the kids.
  • No, my floor in my apartment is not completed. Yes, my stove is on my counter top. No, I've not had a tantrum again. Yes, I will be glad when it's done. In the words of my friend Karen, "In light of everything, this is a small thing."
  • This weekend I'll be headed to the land of my Alma Mater. Of course, my real purpose in driving to Missouri involve my friends who at one point asked me to be their friend "Til death do we part!" (I said yes of course!)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Grown Up Tantrum and A New Perspective

The saga began a little over three weeks ago. To make it simple, my water heater grew a leak which grew a puddle- which grew a bigger puddle- which grew to ruin the entire floor in the downstairs of my apartment- which grew to a brand new water heater. Whew. Quite the saga.

That series of events took my down quite the road which led me down a path of, frustration, anger, a friend's house, a few nights in a hotel, anger, much yelling, and finally, acceptance.

I am no longer afraid to admit that I am a home body. I have not always been this way, but rather have grown into this person over the last few years. I have in the past enjoyed being gone all day, going on trips, staying in hotels, with friends, away, away, away. But now, I love the solace of being home. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy seeing friends, and going places, but at the end of the day, I enjoy my home.

Last Sunday, I arrived at my apartment, fully expecting to be able to go in and settle in for a peaceful evening. I was wrong. And then the tantrum happened.
The tantrum thrower: Me
The location: My car
Why was there a tantrum: I wanted to be home. My home. My apartment. My TV. My shower. My bed. Mine. Mine. Mine. And yet, there was no going home.
What did the tantrum involve: Yelling and yelling. Aimless Driving. Yelling. Feet stomping and Fists pounding the floor--- (Well I exaggerated that last part. I was driving after all.)

Then I was hit with some more unpleasant news. I had no choice. I would not be getting what I wanted. Of course, I had to calm down. And quickly. When you are three you don't worry about blood pressure, but when you are in double digits and you are operating heavy machinery, it's best to remain calm.

It was in the following few minutes that I had to make a decision. I had help getting to that point. Someone quickly, yet wisely told me (yes my mom), "Stephanie, you don't have a choice. You do not get what you want."

Have any of you ever tried to reason with a three year old? Now, I'm not a mother, but as a friend, and a childrens' pastor, and someone who's been around children my whole life, I have. I have tried to reason with a child, an elementary school child, even teenagers. However, I learned over time, that reasoning doesn't really work unless the person wants to be reasoned with. How many three-year-olds really care why they cannot have what they don't want? That'd be zero.

I, being (forceably, mind you, not by choice) a grown up, have the ability to listen to reason and make choices. And while, I did not really care why, I could not have what I wanted, I had to decide to accept what was being handed to me. I knew that I had to accept my circumstances. No amount of yelling and wailing, moaning and sighing would get the work in my apartment done any quicker.

Isaiah 26:3 says, "The LORD gives perfect peace to those whose faith is firm." (CEV) Some may consider it strange that I clung to the words in that vese just because of a small apartment issue. But, I did cling to these words because as I was driving down the road, peace was no where near my passenger seat, and I really needed to find it!

I was reminded again when I spoke to one of my friends who recently lost her home to a fire. She and her husband lost everything, save but a few items. The words she spoke to me have stuck with me and I have played them over and over in my mind since she said them.
"Stephanie, we lost our possessions, our computers, tvs, clothes, all of our possessions, but I know that God will take care of us...I know that He has a plan for my life, and I'm excited."

Makes a cement floor and a stove displaced upon a counter top not really all that important, don't ya think?
Love you all,

Monday, May 18, 2009

From the Archives

Once again I found some writing from my high school creative writing course- It reminds me of summer.

A Woman Beautiful
Sat admiring
The beauty of the sun's rays
While on the grass below a man watched
The lovely lady smiling at the beauty
Of the wondrous sight in front of her,
And the man longed to whisk her
Away from the world
To love her
Through all
SRH, September 21, 1995

Monday, May 04, 2009