Monday, February 10, 2014

An Eclipsing

Oh Beautiful February.

By the time we get to February, I am already celebrating spring. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's (and my birthday) are the main winter holidays in my world, and as a result, winter is no longer necessary once those holidays have passed. I'm tucking away the decorations, I'm closing the door, locking the deadbolt, and fastening the chain.

I know I can look out the window, and see that winter is still here. The Winter Storm season is not over, and apparently "Winter Storm Pax" is heading across the country next. I'm in desperate need of sunlight (So much so that I bought a "sun lamp" out of desperation, but have not used it yet) mainly because I've been looking particularly paste-y lately, more so than normal. While the sun is setting later and later (woot!) and the days are getting longer, we are not quite to the ten pm-ish sunsets that I love.

However, I'm moving on.
This does not mean that I'm begrudging you winter/snowman/sledding/snow-icecream lovers. Quite the contrary. I'm not. Secretly, I love the snow fall as long as I'm not obliged to drive in it. Given the opportunity, I'd slide down a hill or two.  I'll scoop up some snow ice cream (that I always believed was my Mama's invention... keep in mind it snowed ONCE during all the time we lived in Texas, and when it did, we had had snow ice cream. I still remember that!) and shovel my driveway. But. Winter is over. I would like for it to be that way for a long, long time.

It is one thing to have winter on the streets, and in the air. Winter on the rooftops and chimneys, and winter in the yard. It is entirely different when you have winter in your heart. There is a winter sun, and although it may be dim, or rare to appear, it does show up. However, when winter is in your heart, everything becomes grey.

Life will do that. Life brings winter in summer and spring. When new life is growing, and taking shape, winter of life will rob us of the green blessings. That is what I allowed to happen to me. I have been wondering around (not literally because last week I realized I didn't leave my house once I got there Sunday night, and didn't leave really until Saturday) desperate and uncertain. Holding onto,
"What do I do?" and "What should I be?" instead of living in  the "Here I am now."

This morning I went to church full of anxiety. It could be about anything. Anxiety makes a big deal out of something that is really a "no" deal.

In the music service, there was a song that was sung. It is a song I have sung hundreds of times over several years. I know the words. I have sung the words (sorry to those in front of me) loudly. I believed them. But today one phrase jumped out to me. "Afflictions eclipsed by glory." The meaning of those four words announced itself and while the song was going on and on I was caught up and I stopped still.

Afflictions eclipsed by glory. See, in my winter, glory was eclipsed by affliction. I allowed all of the every day, the weariness, the tiredness, the anxiousness over shadow everything that God has for me. God has peace for me. Peace, that quiet calm feeling, inside when nothing is actually quiet. I know God has been trying to speak to me. Trying to get me to stop listening to the winter and focus on Him. (In fact I won a magnet this past week that had the word peace on it and with a definition.) God had been talking to me all week. He was saying be still. But above my noise and my shouting I couldn't hear Him.  God has a purpose for me. God has a plan for me. My world I know is very small. Regardless of that God has the desire to use me for a purpose and to take care of me along the way.

Have you been in winter? Are you ready to lock the door and celebrate spring? 
Talk to me. I can help you move in the right direction. Then, we can go sledding and build that snowman.

Living in the light, trying not to get a sunburn,

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