Sunday, December 01, 2013

Eating My Cake and Wanting the Bakery

Nelson Rutherford Beene Davis Hunter.
Right now he is outside my door mewing. It's pitiful. Being nocturnal, in the early am hours he turns into psycho kitten.  Normally, he spends his days and nights in the lower level of my house, and the stairway. However, my brother is sleeping on the couch, and has had little sleep since little Nelson used John's head as a scratch post.

I'll keep him in the stairway.  With his toys, food, light, etc…… And then the crying started. 
My Auntie, in the guest room, saw my face as I heard Nelson giving his pitiful cry. 

"He's fine. I know he's fine. But it's quite terrible." 

"Oh, let him up here. I'll keep him." 

Under the condition that she would vanquish him to the stairway if needed, I agreed, and shut my door. He was happy. For a minute. He had an extra room to explore. Then. Then he saw my closed door and the unhappy cry began.  

Here, I think we are offering a kindness, but he takes the extra, and he still wants more.

We are most certainly talking about Nelson. Not me. 

I do not stare longingly at things others want, coveting it for myself. Why would I? I have everything I could ever need. 

Or. Am I like the girl on the commercial, "We want more and more and more." 

Half of us watch this commercial laughing, all the while we nod in agreement knowing she's so right. 
I demand. "They" supply.

I personally have a problem because the things I want most, I cannot buy in a store. What do I do as a result? I buy anyways. Apparently I hope that I find something that fills the hole that otherwise is empty and aching. 

I buy. 
I often return. 
I buy again. 

I chase down *things,* stuff, items and trinkets to fill my space. 
I empty my pockets, crowd my home, and at the end of the day, have a heart that will still ache. 

It's Christmas time. The season of giving and rejoicing and remembering. Families gather. We eat. We play. We sing.   

Most of the time I am happy*. The true, honest, joyful happy. Most of the time I hold onto hope that I will one day find what I truly want.  (Husband to be claimed; aisle three. Adorable children for sale! Freckles included!) 

What do I do in the meantime? It's an honest question. One I've heard many others ask. Oftentimes the question isn't spoken out loud, but it's there. What do I do to fill the hole, the void, the want

We wait. 
We wait.
We look to hope. We cling to hope. 
In doing so, we remind ourselves, God reminds us, that we are not alone. 
That He has plans bigger than what we can imagine. 
We stop looking inward, and we start looking upward, and outward.

Tonight, I have challenged myself again to remember that while so many have so much, there are many who have so little. 

Eating the cake is usually quite nice. 
                   Wanting the whole bakery? I'd need a tailor. 

Send flowers to someone. 
Write a love note. 
Wash a car. 
Smile in Walmart. 
Say please and thank you. 

Be Thankful. 

Shine your Light.

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