Saturday, March 03, 2012

One Moment...

It's snowing outside. The quiet peaceful snow. It's the kind of snow that causes me to pause and sit silently.

My Daddy is down the hallway. He's been there since he got home from the hospital about 10 hours ago. I sat with him for a while after he got home. He was still groggy and tired, and amazed. "The nurse told me, she told me that my doctor had a feeling. He just has a sense about these things."

It was just yesterday morning when I was at the hospital with my Papaw, and Pastor John, waiting for the news. They had taken my dad back at 9. The previous heart tests had all come through showing that his heart was okay. He was sent away with the news that he was experiencing indigestion. He didn't listen. (Thankfully.) Neither did his doctor, as the pain persisted.

At 10, the doctor called us together, and on a yellow sticky, he drew a rough picture of a heart. "You're his daughter." I nodded yes.

"Here's what we found. This artery was blocked at 80%, and this was at 95%. Good thing he came. He was a ticking time bomb. It was just a matter of time. We're taking care of him now." We walked back to our chairs silently. Pastor John looked at me. "Are you okay?"

How do you answer when you are shocked? When the news you have is frightening and yet, also relieving. What do you say when someone says to you it was just possible that at any moment your dad could have been gone from you.

Around 11:30, we were told that he was in the recovery room, and that we would be able to see him. We stood around him, as he made faces (if only I had a video at that moment!). "You aren't going to remember anything we say are you?" I asked. "Can I have a thousand dollars?"

We laughed then, all of us, my mom, Pastor John, me...

We walked back to the waiting room a bit later. The doctor explained to all of us what we had already put together. This had been serious. His life was saved.

I did not cry. I still have not cried. It is all too surreal.

What do you say in those moments? The moments where you realize that a miracle has just occurred. How do you put into words your feelings and thoughts? Everything had been about to change, and we did not even know.

On Sunday we are going to be together. All of us. Eating and laughing. Playing games. Watching movies. All the while knowing that things could have been different in one moment of time.

Today, I am thankful. I have said, "Thank you God" more than I can count. I have said I love you to my family more than usual.

Today, I am going to take advantage of today knowing that we have no guarantees. Knowing that life is but a breath.

Today I am going to be thankful.

Today I am going to live.

Today I will not have regrets.

Much love,

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