Gray

I am about to be honest...
Generally I like to think of myself as an honest person, but this time I'm about to be painful OPEN and honest. Open being the operative word.

For over the last year and a half I have been dating someone. I do not tend to go too personal on here, because it's public, and my life is not. Recently, we broke up. For me, in that moment, life suddenly became shades of gray. I found that I had, within that time period of being an "us", forgotten all about the "me." It is difficult to remember what that is like. There are so many things that I enjoy doing, but I've forgotten all about them. There are so many things that I complete and I realize I'm waiting for someone on the other end to applaud for me and cheer for me. Now there is no applause or cheering. It's just my face and my voice. Quite honestly, it made me want to stop doing anything I've ever done and sit in a room with the lights off, in silence, shutting out the world.

The problem is, life doesn't stop. The world keeps rotating, and while I'm just sitting, life continues to happen all around me. People are LIVING. But I am not. Why am I writing all this? I don't really know. I have always found that writing is cathartic. Somehow putting pen to paper (or whatever you call when you are typing) puts things in order and sets things right. I need to be set right. For right now, I don't have much more to say. I'm sure I will be back, but for now I am going to be working on Me.

Always,