Friday, December 19, 2008

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Over the two months I have drafted and begun writing ten, (I actually counted them) ten posts and didn't finish any of them. I have thought of combining all of them into one big mega post, but that sounds like a lot of work; a lot of copying and pasting, and then a lot of editing and then, quite frankly a lot of reading. Then I thought maybe it would be fun to take the first sentence of each draft and putting it together into one big messy paragraph, just to see the fun chaos that would result. That also sounded like a lot of work. My third option, which is the option that I am going with now, is to actually FINISH each of them, one at a time and post it. Because I'm actually the writer, and because I didn't know what I was going to be doing with each and every one of them, I reserve the right to not post them all!
So, tonight, in the middle of a snowstorm, I give you my first redo, of a never been done!

Original post 10.24.08
Tonight I spoke with an old friend. And, in that phone call I felt a great chasm between the old and the new. To clarily, when I'm mentioning the old and the new I'm referring to the old me versus the new. Is it possible that within a two month time period much of the old can be chipped away and removed? Is it possible for things once painful to be erased and wiped away just by the presence of space and time?
Much of life is a decision. What to eat, what to wear, where to go, what time to get up in the morning (Or to sleep on Sunday afternoons)... And we decide these things on our own. Oh, sometimes we blame others. We can say, "Everyone else is doing it," "Mom said," "My brother told me it was a good idea," "The devil made me do it," but it's all on us. We decide. And today, or tonight, I was struck by the reality of my decision. There are these things that I have held onto, feelings, emotions, the lack of belief, belief in something false, whatever it is, that have in a sense held onto me. Like a noose around my neck I have been strangled by
things. And tonight I realized the desire and ability to shake off these "things" and restart anew.

The Monkey and the Pickle Jar by A. Ullrich

There once was a monkey who lived in the forest who always bragged about how smart he was. One day the monkey found a pickle jar with a handful of pickles left inside. The monkey was extremely fond of pickles. The monkey put his hand in the jar and grabbed all the pickles. When he lifted his hand, it wouldn't come out. He wasn't sure what to do, so he started yelling, "Help, help, my hand is stuck!" Then suddenly a little rabbit came by and looked over the situation. After carefully reviewing the jar and monkey's hand, the rabbit said, "Poor, poor monkey. Trapped by your own greed and stupidity. Let go of the pickles and you'll be free." And he was.

I read this story and I realize how often I do this. Oh, I've not literally stuck my hand in a pickle jar, but I have in another sense. There are days when I feel as though I have my hand in a trap-not necessarily greed but other things like an unnecessary stress or weight on my back, or an enveloping of fear and concern and worry, but just like the monkey, I have made it my choice to hang on, rather than to let go.

Revert to present day 12.18.08
Today two months later, I have found that I have begun to release the fear and unertainty that I've gripped onto for so long. The monkey, in some ways (I think) held onto the pickle because he thought it was what he wanted. But, he didn't know for sure. Instead of going out and looking for something new and better and really available, he stuck with what he thought he knew, what he thought he wanted. And I've done the same for a very long time. My thought is that as soon as the monkey got out of the "pickle" (hahahaha) by letting go of the pickle, the world became a different place. I just bet that the monkey never found himself in that same predicament again.

You know what, neither will I.

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