Friday, March 11, 2011

I Hear Voices

The answer always come back: I. Am. Human.

But, maybe I should start from the beginning.

I have always heard voices in my head. Before all of you start nodding your heads in understanding, and saying, "Ohhhh, that explains everything," let me explain. I'm not talking about voices or even voices (like the country song) of friends, family, etc... (although periodically I do). The voices I hear are my own. My own negative, confused, anxious voices. They are hard to quiet.

What makes it most difficult is that fact that the voices are not rational; there is no reasoning with them.

What do they say?
  • You aren't good enough.
  • Your friends aren't really your friends.
  • They will leave you.
  • You will make large mistakes. They will not be able to be fixed.
I could continue, but you get the idea.

However, I'm tried of these voices. There are others I'd rather hear, One in particular. It's the louder voice of One who holds my entire life in my hands. And, as I try to make MY voices quiet, I want His voice to be louder.

His voice says:
  • You are wonderfully made.
  • I will never leave you. I will never forsake you.
  • I will forget and forgive any mistakes you have made.
  • Do not worry. DON'T WORRY. I will care for you.
  • I. Love. You.
This is my weakness. This is when I pray and pray and ask God to help me not be anxious and I ask Him WHY must I be anxious. Why must one day I wake up fine, and the next I find myself in a battle again. This is when I receive the answer that I am only human. And, while I have anxiety, others may have different difficulties.

Today is a new day. Today is a day when I am surrounded by positive people and positive light. Today is when I feel God's hand on my heart, and He is saying, "It's gonna be alright. I've got this."

Time for me to let Him.

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