If only the saying were true. Unfortunately sticks and stones tend to cause less damage than words. I was reminded of this on Friday night as I sat with two friends and we evaluated what events had brought us to where we were.
I remember one particular event. I was around fifteen. I was sitting with a friend. (*Names have been changed.) What brought us to this point in the conversation I don't know, and what happened afterward I also don't remember. There was this moment, however, of about thirty seconds. That moment has been etched into my memory. *Fred leaned back and started speaking, looking up at the ceiling. "Celia is very beautiful. Brenna is by far more beautiful than anyone in the world. Brooke, well, she's not pretty at all. Oh, well Stephanie, you are prettier than Brooke." I don't remember what I thought then at that moment. I do, however, know that it impacted me. That one statement caused me to think, oh well, he's right. I only have the chance of being prettier than someone who apparently falls below the "beauty" line. It was one person's opinion. I took it for truth.
And so, Friday night I sat with my friends and listened between the lines. I heard sorrow. A kind of sadness that cannot be explained. I listed to them talk about how they have tried to forget and erase the words that someone put on them. I heard them as they rationalized how these statements, not even true, had caused them to rethink their actions. The problem is, words, once spoken, cannot be taken back. We can look back into the eyes of someone who just spoke to us and say, "Oh, that doesn't bother me," and yet, we know it does. For many, the voice of negativity and contempt comes from the inside.That voice is usually the hardest to silence.
The true words that we should be listening to comes from the voice of the one who knows us best. The one who sees us when we are the worst versions of ourselves and yet loves us.
An excerpt from a commentary:
A young man was talking with his teacher. The teacher told the student to go to the grave of a particularly famous man. Once there the young man was to yell at the grave. Scream at the grave. Tell the man who's body lay buried there how terrible he was, how imperfect...(You get the idea.) The student went back to his teacher and waited for his next instructions. The teacher sent the student back to the grave and told him this time to give praise. The student did so. He went back to the grave and instead of negative words he replaced his words with praise. The young man went back to his teacher one more time. The teacher looked at the student. "You see," he said, "What you just said to the body buried in that grave means nothing now. He is not alive to hear it, to apply it, to use it. So it is with those who are "dead" in Christ. Praise and blame mean nothing."
What does that mean to me? I read that and realized that when I look to God for the affirmation about who I am I am at peace. I can be certain in those moments that I am who I should be. If I trust God for my worth and my value, the words of others are not my foundation.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 09, 2009
Este y esto
I've been a bit fuggy over the last week. A cold has set in and made my mind a bit cloudy.
Here are, however, some random thoughts that I've had:
Here are, however, some random thoughts that I've had:
- A chin up bar sounds like a good idea. What is the possiblity of injury to myself and to others if I try something like this: Stephanie's idea for fitness. I think that I could hang in over my stairs and then dangle carefully over the stairway as I pursue fitness. I want to buy all these things, but where would I store my new "in home gym" equipment?!
- Would online piano lessons be a possibility? Not just the instructions or the music, but actually a piano teacher online giving lessons. I think it sounds like an amazing idea! Any takers? I need someone willing to help me!
- My math assignments still are not completed. P-R-O-C-R-A-S-T-I-N-A-T-I-O-N. Yes. That's what I'm doing. I've been doing a lot of cleaning instead.
- That brings up another point, how bad is it that I procrastinate doing work by another form of work? Shouldn't I avoid doing homework because I'm hanging with friends or maybe because I'm watching movies or going shopping? Not me, I'm washing dishes.
- An old injury has resurfaced. Many of you may remember the incident from last summer. I have once or twice over the last year pulled my rib muscle just in the right way and caused the old pain to resurface. With my recent coughing and sneezing fits I have re-injured myself. If you hear my yell or groan, "Oh my ribs," or if you hear me say, "Ow!" (literally) every time I sneeze, you'll know what I'm sayin'.
- Tonight I was talking with a friend and the the question I asked her was what has she learned the most over the last year. That question really makes me think. What IS the thing that you learned the most over the last year?
- A person can never have too many flowers. Or chocolate. Or cheese. Or shoes....I'm digressing...
- And, one last thought. Jessica Fletcher is really a spry lady. I just watched her jog all through her town of Cabot Cove! (Yes, I know. I'm old.)
Random picture of the week:
My home town... Yes, those are cows in the distance!
My home town... Yes, those are cows in the distance!Tuesday, February 03, 2009
One Week In...51 to Go!
I'm one week into my new decade, and I'd like to report that so far, so good. I woke up last Tuesday feeling, well, much like did on Monday morning, except it was Tuesday, and I had a new number added to my age.
What did my first week involve?
1. Dinner with friends.
2. Dinner with friends and flowers.
3. Dinner.
4. More flowers!
5. And... A hockey game! I was so excited because I had NEVER been to a hockey game before. I had NO idea that is what was going on. I arrived at my friends house for what I thought would be a usual night, but instead more friends arrived and then we picked up more friends and made our way to Milwaukee! I am a complete fan now! Really, how hard is it to follow? You have a stick and you hit a puck from one side to the other. I would love to play, except I have no aim and I probably could not stand on skates.
I cannot see into tomorrow. I cannot even see past 10 tonight, but I have a great feeling this is gonna be a good year! Everyone is welcome to join me in my new adventures!
Me in my cube. Terrible picture but pretty flowers from my friend Melissa- Love ya Lis!
Flowers from the mom and dad! (I love flowers!)
My first hockey fight!! The gloves were off!
This looks like an amazing ride! I wanna try glide across the ice on a sled!!
The Zamboni:
Las Vegas! Nothin' but class!
What did my first week involve?
1. Dinner with friends.
2. Dinner with friends and flowers.
3. Dinner.
4. More flowers!
5. And... A hockey game! I was so excited because I had NEVER been to a hockey game before. I had NO idea that is what was going on. I arrived at my friends house for what I thought would be a usual night, but instead more friends arrived and then we picked up more friends and made our way to Milwaukee! I am a complete fan now! Really, how hard is it to follow? You have a stick and you hit a puck from one side to the other. I would love to play, except I have no aim and I probably could not stand on skates.
I cannot see into tomorrow. I cannot even see past 10 tonight, but I have a great feeling this is gonna be a good year! Everyone is welcome to join me in my new adventures!
Me in my cube. Terrible picture but pretty flowers from my friend Melissa- Love ya Lis!
Flowers from the mom and dad! (I love flowers!)
My first hockey fight!! The gloves were off!
This looks like an amazing ride! I wanna try glide across the ice on a sled!!The Zamboni:
Las Vegas! Nothin' but class!
Monday, January 26, 2009
10, 9, 8, 7, 6....
I have counted down for as long as I can remember. Count down to camp, vacation, school start dates (yes, I was one of those people), school END dates, sleepovers, family visiting from Texas, birthdays... all of it. Once it went on the calendar, the counting began.
The tradition is something that I never quite stopped. In college I would once again count down to vacations and trips, finals, papers, going home, going back to college, the cycle never quite ending. What I remember though is having a moment of panic as my four year stint was ending. WHAT was I going to do? WHERE was I going to go? WHO was I going to be? I was clueless. The countdown was no longer helpful or fun, but instead a reminder of what was NOT waiting for me.
I did at that moment what seemed to be reasonable- I called my mom. Some background: My mom is not a here sit down let me pity you for hours and days. She does not let me wail and mourn. She does, however, give me the kick in the pants that I generally need. She did the same on that day.
"Stephanie?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are you now?"
"At school."
"Who are you now?
"A student."
"What should you be doing now?"
"Studying."
"Then that's what you do. You be where you are. You do what you have in front of you to do. Wherever you are- be there."
And it was true. Wherever I was at that time, that's where I needed to be. Where I was going, well, I would know what came next when I got there.
I remember that even now as I am making my lists and setting my calendar and planning my days out. It is easy to look ahead, but it is good to enjoy where you are, otherwise there are moments and times that you could miss. Sometimes it's the smallest things...
So, let's remember the past, look forward to the future, but live in today.
The tradition is something that I never quite stopped. In college I would once again count down to vacations and trips, finals, papers, going home, going back to college, the cycle never quite ending. What I remember though is having a moment of panic as my four year stint was ending. WHAT was I going to do? WHERE was I going to go? WHO was I going to be? I was clueless. The countdown was no longer helpful or fun, but instead a reminder of what was NOT waiting for me.
I did at that moment what seemed to be reasonable- I called my mom. Some background: My mom is not a here sit down let me pity you for hours and days. She does not let me wail and mourn. She does, however, give me the kick in the pants that I generally need. She did the same on that day.
"Stephanie?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are you now?"
"At school."
"Who are you now?
"A student."
"What should you be doing now?"
"Studying."
"Then that's what you do. You be where you are. You do what you have in front of you to do. Wherever you are- be there."
And it was true. Wherever I was at that time, that's where I needed to be. Where I was going, well, I would know what came next when I got there.
I remember that even now as I am making my lists and setting my calendar and planning my days out. It is easy to look ahead, but it is good to enjoy where you are, otherwise there are moments and times that you could miss. Sometimes it's the smallest things...
So, let's remember the past, look forward to the future, but live in today.
Would you keep a chive on your tooth just because you enjoyed last night's potato?
~From the television show Boston Common
Nothing is worth more than this day.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
~From the television show Boston Common
Nothing is worth more than this day.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Never let the future disturb you.
You will meet it, if you have to,
with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
~Marcus Aurelius You will meet it, if you have to,
with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Writer Within- And the Dork Girl that lives on!
In high school I took a creative writing class. It was really a test of my ability to write and think and imagine. I would go to bed at night with a pen and paper on the shelf beside me. There was always this possibility that I would wake up, struck by a thought or a phrase or story that I had to immediately jot down, lest I forget once I would go back to sleep.
I say all this because in my quest for organization I found my folder from my creative writing class. For fun, (really for myself) I decided to post one of these stories out here. As I'm reading it now, I find it completely hysterical. Keep in mind that I wrote this story some 14 years ago. This particular assignment was a story that we had to create from a child's fairy tale.
********************************
Little Pink Riding Garment
(My real story even has pictures!)
Many, many years ago in a small village far, far away there lived a little girl. She was a sweet child with blond, curly hair. The people of the town called her Little Pink Riding Garment.
"It's because I wear green dresses," she would explain.
One day Bullwinkle, (which was the little girl's nickname) was informed by her mother that her grandmother was sick.
"Now Bullwinkle," her mother explained, "I need you to take your grandmother this toolbox. She has an awful stomach ache and in the morning she's going to have the doctor pull off her little toe to make her feel better."
"Okay mother," she replied, and she was off. The little girl skipped along quietly until she got to the edge of the forest where a pretty little stream flowed along next to the path. The little girl sat down the toolbox and began to call for her friend.
"Here Wolfy, Wolfy. Her boy, don't be scared." A big lion jumped out from behind a tree.
"Oh there you are Wolfy!" Bullwinkle exclaimed. "I need to go to Grandmother's house, and since you can swim, I wondered if you would let me sit on your back while you swam to her house?"
The lion replied, "What a big nose you have!" (He was a little stupid.)
"Good, it's settled then," Bullwinkle replied and they were off.
When they arrived at Grandmother's house Bullwinkle knocked on the door.
"Come in," Grandmother replied.
"I brought the toolbox you needed, and I have a little time before I need to leave and so I was wondering if you would care for a game of Old Man?" Bullwinkle asked.
"Of course we can play a card game," Grandmother answered, "but only if you let Wolfy eat me first."
"It would be my pleasure," Wolfy said. Then he swallowed her in one gulp.
Well, after a while the neighbor woodcarver came over and turned Wolfy upside down to shake Grandmother out. He was just in time because immediately after Grandmother hit the floor, the timer went off.
"My doggie treats are done!" Grandmother said with glee. "We can eat them while we play the game!"
So they all sat down to play as a twister ripped through the town sending the four friends to the tropics of Alaska where they lived, happily ever after, scrapping ice off igloos and watching reruns of "Gilligan's Island."
I say all this because in my quest for organization I found my folder from my creative writing class. For fun, (really for myself) I decided to post one of these stories out here. As I'm reading it now, I find it completely hysterical. Keep in mind that I wrote this story some 14 years ago. This particular assignment was a story that we had to create from a child's fairy tale.
********************************
Little Pink Riding Garment
(My real story even has pictures!)
Many, many years ago in a small village far, far away there lived a little girl. She was a sweet child with blond, curly hair. The people of the town called her Little Pink Riding Garment.
"It's because I wear green dresses," she would explain.
One day Bullwinkle, (which was the little girl's nickname) was informed by her mother that her grandmother was sick.
"Now Bullwinkle," her mother explained, "I need you to take your grandmother this toolbox. She has an awful stomach ache and in the morning she's going to have the doctor pull off her little toe to make her feel better."
"Okay mother," she replied, and she was off. The little girl skipped along quietly until she got to the edge of the forest where a pretty little stream flowed along next to the path. The little girl sat down the toolbox and began to call for her friend.
"Here Wolfy, Wolfy. Her boy, don't be scared." A big lion jumped out from behind a tree.
"Oh there you are Wolfy!" Bullwinkle exclaimed. "I need to go to Grandmother's house, and since you can swim, I wondered if you would let me sit on your back while you swam to her house?"
The lion replied, "What a big nose you have!" (He was a little stupid.)
"Good, it's settled then," Bullwinkle replied and they were off.
When they arrived at Grandmother's house Bullwinkle knocked on the door.
"Come in," Grandmother replied.
"I brought the toolbox you needed, and I have a little time before I need to leave and so I was wondering if you would care for a game of Old Man?" Bullwinkle asked.
"Of course we can play a card game," Grandmother answered, "but only if you let Wolfy eat me first."
"It would be my pleasure," Wolfy said. Then he swallowed her in one gulp.
Well, after a while the neighbor woodcarver came over and turned Wolfy upside down to shake Grandmother out. He was just in time because immediately after Grandmother hit the floor, the timer went off.
"My doggie treats are done!" Grandmother said with glee. "We can eat them while we play the game!"
So they all sat down to play as a twister ripped through the town sending the four friends to the tropics of Alaska where they lived, happily ever after, scrapping ice off igloos and watching reruns of "Gilligan's Island."
The End
(I got an A)
(I got an A)
Monday, January 12, 2009
In with the Old and out with the New, er, well....
Well, you know what I'm saying.
Obviously my retrospective perspective is running late seeing as it's now the 12th of January.
The new year has arrived bringing with it, all its new glory. For those internet surfers, blog readers, resolutions are all around and along with it, promises of a beautiful new year. For myself, I decided a few years ago to instead of making New Year's Resolutions, to instead make New Day's Resolutions. The concept is basically the same, but instead of WAITING until the next year (which would be several hundreds of days from now) when there is something that I want to change or do, I decide or resolve to change right then and there.
It's also evident that people decide that the end of a season is a great time to evaluate that season's past. Avid sports watchers/participators are among the thousands of those who review what happened, what should have happened, what should not have happened. A week ago at church, the pastor spoke about a tradition that his family has. Before the new year, as they are assembled in one location for the holidays, they each take time to reflect on the previous year and write out a list of 10 blessings that they experienced over the year. They then all come together and read through their lists.
That started me thinking. Of course, I'm excited about what is coming. Cindy will cringe at this but, you know as they say, "Life was great in '08, but life will be fine in '09." There is my birthday (15 days), and endless possibilities are stretching out in front of me. But this past year was not bad either. I started putting together a list of things that I would consider 2008 Highlights.
In no particular order here are some of my favorite memories, blessings from 2008!
Family
Obviously my retrospective perspective is running late seeing as it's now the 12th of January.
The new year has arrived bringing with it, all its new glory. For those internet surfers, blog readers, resolutions are all around and along with it, promises of a beautiful new year. For myself, I decided a few years ago to instead of making New Year's Resolutions, to instead make New Day's Resolutions. The concept is basically the same, but instead of WAITING until the next year (which would be several hundreds of days from now) when there is something that I want to change or do, I decide or resolve to change right then and there.
It's also evident that people decide that the end of a season is a great time to evaluate that season's past. Avid sports watchers/participators are among the thousands of those who review what happened, what should have happened, what should not have happened. A week ago at church, the pastor spoke about a tradition that his family has. Before the new year, as they are assembled in one location for the holidays, they each take time to reflect on the previous year and write out a list of 10 blessings that they experienced over the year. They then all come together and read through their lists.
That started me thinking. Of course, I'm excited about what is coming. Cindy will cringe at this but, you know as they say, "Life was great in '08, but life will be fine in '09." There is my birthday (15 days), and endless possibilities are stretching out in front of me. But this past year was not bad either. I started putting together a list of things that I would consider 2008 Highlights.
In no particular order here are some of my favorite memories, blessings from 2008!
Family
- Secrets, secrets, secrets. Christmas this year was very fun for me! I loved finding presents for my family and waiting for them to open them on Christmas morning!
- Thanksgiving. I made a turkey, and my mom and aunt and I basically cooked and talked all weekend.
- My mom's second sister came to Indiana to visit. We (my mom, dad, brother, aunt, other aunt and cousin) all sat huddled together in my parent's living room watching bad movies, just being together. Then of course, there was more cooking and pictures!
- Oh, Charlotte! What great adventures that city brought me this year. Of course most of my new friends that I made in Charlotte were actually from here in Chi land, but that's perfect because I got to bring my new buddies back with me! I could name them, but there are many, so I don't want to leave anyone out. However, cheers to eating out, walking, movies, malls, The Biltmore, Nakatos, Shirley Temples, long drives, beautiful weather, the Vic card, playgrounds, Jessica Fletcher, having a chauffeur just about every where I went, and sweet tea!
- I saw my Melissa twice this year. That involved eating at Cheddars, shopping, and online harassment of people we once knew! There was also a sunburn, and some limping, but it was all worth it!
- I met up with one of my friend's from high school. It was so nice catching up and remembering. Somehow a lot of things happened that my brain doesn't remember , but my old friends, I do!
- To "the Gang"! This has been quite the year, and I'm sure this next year will be better! "Hip Hooray" (as my little friend Jessica says) for the beach, Kenosha and the theater, dance parties in parking lots and upstairs lofts, Cracker Barrel, folding clothes, watching movies, Chilis (and the chips and ranch)!
- There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting. - Buddha
- The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.
- Be willing to be a beginner every single morning. - Meister Eckhart
- Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be. - Marsha Petrie Sue
- You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. - Jonathan Carroll
Monday, December 29, 2008
My Personal Self Help Book
Recently I've been looking back over the last few months of my life (Probably because I'm aging even as I type --- Birthday countdown 29 days January 27 for those not sure of the math) and I've been trying to determine if I really have changed, or if it's all in my mind. Well, I'm going to go with I've really changed. All because of...my self help book.
Some of you may have just gasped. Those are the books that everyone hears about, everyone is reading, but no one will actually ADMIT to being a reader. Well, today I am standing unashamed in saying, oh I have one. Now in my opinion, since that's the only opinion i currently have to hear, most people have at one point or another either, considered buying a self help book (paying of course with cash only), considered reading a self help book (except if you check it out at the library and they are electronic, it would be down in history that you checked it out!), read the cover and the back cover and a few pages throughout of a self help book, borrowed one from a friend...I could continue. My point being at some time, most people believe that they are in need of "self help." If that is not you, I'm impressed that you are bothering reading, because I will tell you I need all the help I can get!
Anyways, I have recently taken on an appreciation for self help books. There are a few things though that I think should be observed:
And to top it all off- It's all inclusive.
My self help book discusses any topic you ever might could need! (Yes, I said might could):
Sometimes we just need a new perspective outside of ourselves to really see the truth and really see the light. I will close my rambling with one additional thought. Sometimes we place our value in the opinion of another. We decide on our "beauty" or intelligence or whatever simply if someone decides to look at us and grant us his/her attention. It is a powerful thing when a person can determine that he/she is beautiful or intelligent or WORTH IT simply because God made us.
That my friends, is what I have learned. And, it's been worth the trip getting here.
Some of you may have just gasped. Those are the books that everyone hears about, everyone is reading, but no one will actually ADMIT to being a reader. Well, today I am standing unashamed in saying, oh I have one. Now in my opinion, since that's the only opinion i currently have to hear, most people have at one point or another either, considered buying a self help book (paying of course with cash only), considered reading a self help book (except if you check it out at the library and they are electronic, it would be down in history that you checked it out!), read the cover and the back cover and a few pages throughout of a self help book, borrowed one from a friend...I could continue. My point being at some time, most people believe that they are in need of "self help." If that is not you, I'm impressed that you are bothering reading, because I will tell you I need all the help I can get!
Anyways, I have recently taken on an appreciation for self help books. There are a few things though that I think should be observed:
- They don't say anything we don't already know,
- They don't say anything our friends and family haven't already tried telling us- you just paid to hear it again from a stranger, and
- Numbers one and two sum it up, so I guess I only have 2 points.
And to top it all off- It's all inclusive.
My self help book discusses any topic you ever might could need! (Yes, I said might could):
- Relationships- Check.
- Money- Check.
- Time Management- Check.
- Self Value- Check.
- Being kind to others- Check.
- Anger problems- Check.
Sometimes we just need a new perspective outside of ourselves to really see the truth and really see the light. I will close my rambling with one additional thought. Sometimes we place our value in the opinion of another. We decide on our "beauty" or intelligence or whatever simply if someone decides to look at us and grant us his/her attention. It is a powerful thing when a person can determine that he/she is beautiful or intelligent or WORTH IT simply because God made us.
That my friends, is what I have learned. And, it's been worth the trip getting here.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
All I want for Christmas...And World Peace.
I know I know, I'm a few days late. But, here it is nonetheless.
Christmas is, at least for my family a time of tradition. I'm sure that to some, our traditions are trivial and probably not too exciting, but for me and my family, they are ours, and something I look forward to every year. For as long as I can remember, Christmas Eve would come, and with it the arrival of our tried and true tradition. We'd have our meal of chips and dip, popcorn, cheese and crackers, and whatever else sounded good, something salty and something sweet. We'd break out our comfy pajamas, sometimes new, sometimes old, and we'd then settle in for a night of movies. The movie choices always varied, except for the final movie- A Christmas Carol (with Alastair Sim, and only him). This year was no different. Oh, the meal was different, but just as always my family settled in for a quiet night.
This year I sat wrapped in a blanket on the couch, the only light the Christmas tree lights and watched the story that I've seen over and over. It never fails me how a movie, a black and white movie, fifty some years old speaks to me in some way or another. This year I was reminded of how Christmas is not just a one day celebration. Oh, it's true that it's the holiday marked on our calendar, and it's true I go home to my family and we open gifts and sing carols and dance our old traditional folk dance (hahahaha, kidding, there is no singing or dancing). But the real reason I celebrate isn't all shoved into one day. The "Spirit of Christmas Present" really summed up the whole movie and the whole holiday for me. "Mortal! We Spirits of Christmas do not live only one day of our year. We live the whole three-hundred and sixty-five. So is it true of the Child born in Bethlehem. He does not live in men's hearts one day of the year, but in all days of the year. You have chosen not to seek Him in your heart." I, however, want to choose that very thing, and choose to seek Him each day of the year. What I have found is that when I do that I experience peace, that's my world peace.
Ah the holidays.
Until next year Mr. Scrooge, until next year.
A few miscellaneous Christmas notes:
(This was a picture from my drive home a few weeks ago...the snow really looked like this!)
Christmas is, at least for my family a time of tradition. I'm sure that to some, our traditions are trivial and probably not too exciting, but for me and my family, they are ours, and something I look forward to every year. For as long as I can remember, Christmas Eve would come, and with it the arrival of our tried and true tradition. We'd have our meal of chips and dip, popcorn, cheese and crackers, and whatever else sounded good, something salty and something sweet. We'd break out our comfy pajamas, sometimes new, sometimes old, and we'd then settle in for a night of movies. The movie choices always varied, except for the final movie- A Christmas Carol (with Alastair Sim, and only him). This year was no different. Oh, the meal was different, but just as always my family settled in for a quiet night.
This year I sat wrapped in a blanket on the couch, the only light the Christmas tree lights and watched the story that I've seen over and over. It never fails me how a movie, a black and white movie, fifty some years old speaks to me in some way or another. This year I was reminded of how Christmas is not just a one day celebration. Oh, it's true that it's the holiday marked on our calendar, and it's true I go home to my family and we open gifts and sing carols and dance our old traditional folk dance (hahahaha, kidding, there is no singing or dancing). But the real reason I celebrate isn't all shoved into one day. The "Spirit of Christmas Present" really summed up the whole movie and the whole holiday for me. "Mortal! We Spirits of Christmas do not live only one day of our year. We live the whole three-hundred and sixty-five. So is it true of the Child born in Bethlehem. He does not live in men's hearts one day of the year, but in all days of the year. You have chosen not to seek Him in your heart." I, however, want to choose that very thing, and choose to seek Him each day of the year. What I have found is that when I do that I experience peace, that's my world peace.
Ah the holidays.
Until next year Mr. Scrooge, until next year.
A few miscellaneous Christmas notes:
- When I was around six, we lived in an apartment. That Christmas I remember very vividly asking my mom how Santa would be able to drop off our presents. We had no chimney, AND we lived on the bottom floor. My mom was very quick with her response. "Santa, has a really big key for all those houses without a chimney. It can open any lock in the world. No worries. Santa will be here." Wow, that Santa is a genius. A pure genius.
- My favorite quote came out of my brother's mouth one year as he ripped open a present. He held the box in his hands and started yelling, "Oh, oh, oh, I love it! I love it! What is it?"
- This year my cousin Jake made our desert- Pumpkin Cheesecake. Props to you Jake! It was amazing!
(This was a picture from my drive home a few weeks ago...the snow really looked like this!)Friday, December 19, 2008
Monkey See, Monkey Do
Over the two months I have drafted and begun writing ten, (I actually counted them) ten posts and didn't finish any of them. I have thought of combining all of them into one big mega post, but that sounds like a lot of work; a lot of copying and pasting, and then a lot of editing and then, quite frankly a lot of reading. Then I thought maybe it would be fun to take the first sentence of each draft and putting it together into one big messy paragraph, just to see the fun chaos that would result. That also sounded like a lot of work. My third option, which is the option that I am going with now, is to actually FINISH each of them, one at a time and post it. Because I'm actually the writer, and because I didn't know what I was going to be doing with each and every one of them, I reserve the right to not post them all!
So, tonight, in the middle of a snowstorm, I give you my first redo, of a never been done!
Original post 10.24.08
Tonight I spoke with an old friend. And, in that phone call I felt a great chasm between the old and the new. To clarily, when I'm mentioning the old and the new I'm referring to the old me versus the new. Is it possible that within a two month time period much of the old can be chipped away and removed? Is it possible for things once painful to be erased and wiped away just by the presence of space and time?
Much of life is a decision. What to eat, what to wear, where to go, what time to get up in the morning (Or to sleep on Sunday afternoons)... And we decide these things on our own. Oh, sometimes we blame others. We can say, "Everyone else is doing it," "Mom said," "My brother told me it was a good idea," "The devil made me do it," but it's all on us. We decide. And today, or tonight, I was struck by the reality of my decision. There are these things that I have held onto, feelings, emotions, the lack of belief, belief in something false, whatever it is, that have in a sense held onto me. Like a noose around my neck I have been strangled by things. And tonight I realized the desire and ability to shake off these "things" and restart anew.
Today two months later, I have found that I have begun to release the fear and unertainty that I've gripped onto for so long. The monkey, in some ways (I think) held onto the pickle because he thought it was what he wanted. But, he didn't know for sure. Instead of going out and looking for something new and better and really available, he stuck with what he thought he knew, what he thought he wanted. And I've done the same for a very long time. My thought is that as soon as the monkey got out of the "pickle" (hahahaha) by letting go of the pickle, the world became a different place. I just bet that the monkey never found himself in that same predicament again.
You know what, neither will I.
So, tonight, in the middle of a snowstorm, I give you my first redo, of a never been done!
Original post 10.24.08
Tonight I spoke with an old friend. And, in that phone call I felt a great chasm between the old and the new. To clarily, when I'm mentioning the old and the new I'm referring to the old me versus the new. Is it possible that within a two month time period much of the old can be chipped away and removed? Is it possible for things once painful to be erased and wiped away just by the presence of space and time?
Much of life is a decision. What to eat, what to wear, where to go, what time to get up in the morning (Or to sleep on Sunday afternoons)... And we decide these things on our own. Oh, sometimes we blame others. We can say, "Everyone else is doing it," "Mom said," "My brother told me it was a good idea," "The devil made me do it," but it's all on us. We decide. And today, or tonight, I was struck by the reality of my decision. There are these things that I have held onto, feelings, emotions, the lack of belief, belief in something false, whatever it is, that have in a sense held onto me. Like a noose around my neck I have been strangled by things. And tonight I realized the desire and ability to shake off these "things" and restart anew.
The Monkey and the Pickle Jar by A. Ullrich
There once was a monkey who lived in the forest who always bragged about how smart he was. One day the monkey found a pickle jar with a handful of pickles left inside. The monkey was extremely fond of pickles. The monkey put his hand in the jar and grabbed all the pickles. When he lifted his hand, it wouldn't come out. He wasn't sure what to do, so he started yelling, "Help, help, my hand is stuck!" Then suddenly a little rabbit came by and looked over the situation. After carefully reviewing the jar and monkey's hand, the rabbit said, "Poor, poor monkey. Trapped by your own greed and stupidity. Let go of the pickles and you'll be free." And he was.
I read this story and I realize how often I do this. Oh, I've not literally stuck my hand in a pickle jar, but I have in another sense. There are days when I feel as though I have my hand in a trap-not necessarily greed but other things like an unnecessary stress or weight on my back, or an enveloping of fear and concern and worry, but just like the monkey, I have made it my choice to hang on, rather than to let go.
Today two months later, I have found that I have begun to release the fear and unertainty that I've gripped onto for so long. The monkey, in some ways (I think) held onto the pickle because he thought it was what he wanted. But, he didn't know for sure. Instead of going out and looking for something new and better and really available, he stuck with what he thought he knew, what he thought he wanted. And I've done the same for a very long time. My thought is that as soon as the monkey got out of the "pickle" (hahahaha) by letting go of the pickle, the world became a different place. I just bet that the monkey never found himself in that same predicament again.
You know what, neither will I.
Monday, December 01, 2008
The Ticket
Oh, today was a Monday alright. From the snow, right down to my food falling out of the fridge at work and busting the container right open. My work day ended with me, throwing on my warm coat, trotting outside to my car, which started, and me driving home to my home warm and waiting for me.
I was 16. Never been out of the country before, and yet there I was, sitting in a structure literally made out of tin and cardboard. I was sitting beside a small girl and her brother. In her hand she held a small ticket crumpled in her hand. See, the structure I was in, was built on a hill, where people lived in homes also made of tin and cardboard. I was there with a feeding center that brought food to those who lived on the hill. The tickets were passed out to as many as possible. Once passed out those with tickets would stand in line and what for their food. The meals consisted of rice- plain rice- and beans, and a tortilla. Bland, but full of nutrients. We ran out of food. The entire time I was there, sitting with the girl, talking with her. (I use the word talking loosely, as I tried to talk using my broken Spanish.) She never mentioned how hungry she was. She did not comment on her growling stomach or her disappointment. There were no words as she played with her two year old brother. She laughed and watched the puppet show. She gave hugs and kisses. She had nothing. I had everything.
That night at the mission house it was time for us to eat. My plate was filled. And, I couldn't eat. I couldn't stand how the food smelled. I couldn't handle how it looked. And, I was ashamed. I threw my plate to someone, and begged him to eat it for me, and I walked away and cried. I didn't eat the rest of the night. I took comfort in the fact that my stomach growled. But, hungry is only ever a temporary state of being for me. I ate the next day, and once again was filled.
I had a friend pass away last week. She was elderly. From the time she was eleven she suffered with arthritis, crippling arthritis. Yet, this woman, who at times could not even walk, always welcomed everyone. She gave hugs freely, and always had a kind word. And when you'd ask her how she was doing, she'd smile and say, "Honey, I am just thankful I am here."
Each day I can roll out of bed. I can walk down my stairs, carry my things. I can wash dishes and clap my hands. I am, alive. And moving. I should be glad to be able to get out of bed. But, sometimes that's not even enough for me.
It should not take a starving child, or a woman in pain to remind me of how much I have to be thankful for. It should not take a disaster or tragedy. Each day when I open my eyes I should remember that I have a new day that God has given me. Each day, I get a ticket.
It's my choice if I use it.
Psalm 126:2
"Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
I was 16. Never been out of the country before, and yet there I was, sitting in a structure literally made out of tin and cardboard. I was sitting beside a small girl and her brother. In her hand she held a small ticket crumpled in her hand. See, the structure I was in, was built on a hill, where people lived in homes also made of tin and cardboard. I was there with a feeding center that brought food to those who lived on the hill. The tickets were passed out to as many as possible. Once passed out those with tickets would stand in line and what for their food. The meals consisted of rice- plain rice- and beans, and a tortilla. Bland, but full of nutrients. We ran out of food. The entire time I was there, sitting with the girl, talking with her. (I use the word talking loosely, as I tried to talk using my broken Spanish.) She never mentioned how hungry she was. She did not comment on her growling stomach or her disappointment. There were no words as she played with her two year old brother. She laughed and watched the puppet show. She gave hugs and kisses. She had nothing. I had everything.
That night at the mission house it was time for us to eat. My plate was filled. And, I couldn't eat. I couldn't stand how the food smelled. I couldn't handle how it looked. And, I was ashamed. I threw my plate to someone, and begged him to eat it for me, and I walked away and cried. I didn't eat the rest of the night. I took comfort in the fact that my stomach growled. But, hungry is only ever a temporary state of being for me. I ate the next day, and once again was filled.
I had a friend pass away last week. She was elderly. From the time she was eleven she suffered with arthritis, crippling arthritis. Yet, this woman, who at times could not even walk, always welcomed everyone. She gave hugs freely, and always had a kind word. And when you'd ask her how she was doing, she'd smile and say, "Honey, I am just thankful I am here."
Each day I can roll out of bed. I can walk down my stairs, carry my things. I can wash dishes and clap my hands. I am, alive. And moving. I should be glad to be able to get out of bed. But, sometimes that's not even enough for me.
It should not take a starving child, or a woman in pain to remind me of how much I have to be thankful for. It should not take a disaster or tragedy. Each day when I open my eyes I should remember that I have a new day that God has given me. Each day, I get a ticket.
It's my choice if I use it.
Psalm 126:2
"Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
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